at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
