i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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