I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
