Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
