the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
