the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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