I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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