i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
