i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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