Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
where are my pants?
in the oven.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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