Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He better not be in your backpack
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
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