operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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