I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
