Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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