When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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