theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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