Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
