:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
