she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
