he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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