We're like a lot better than the average bears
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
