We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
