So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize