Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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