New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It's official drugs can't kill me
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
