Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
