It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
