what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize