lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
