Kiss
Puke
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
