whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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