My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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