i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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