Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
