Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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