were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
