Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
