you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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