How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I think I just sharted jello shots
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
