smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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