i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
