Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
