the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
