I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
