Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
