I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
