foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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