I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
