No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
