Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I love you.
Bad choice
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
