words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
