i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
