The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
These tits shall not be calmed
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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