y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
