shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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