i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
