I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
