I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
