At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
