I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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