Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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