I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
