I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just invented taco cereal.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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