Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
