I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
