Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
