Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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