update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
