i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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