I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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