i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
