I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
