I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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