i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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